Lick Yer Wounds, Sweden

As predicted here long ago, Sweden made a mess of Eurovision with the abominably abortive 'This Is My Life' by the less than talented Anna Bergendahl and with the perhaps worst song lyric ever written by the catastrophically self-deluded Kristian Lagerström. That Lagerström would be let loose on the song is total testimony to buddy-buddy business and perhaps nepotism (or a close relative).

The song is a total abomination, the lyrics the most embarrassing thing to hit popular music in a long long time.

One can criticise the airhead Bergendahl for not refusing the song, for standing on stage after stage with her repulsive voice and acting as if she's moved by the totally nonsense lyrics. One can criticise Lagerström for being such a total twit, one can criticise the publishing company for accepting those lyrics. But above all one must criticise the Swedish people and the Swedish Eurovision voting system for totally not getting it and for not letting the people themselves decide.

Swedes don't determine their winner - the fat cats sitting on the insulated seats in the state-owned Swedish television company still have a say. Word has it these useless people (who only serve to demonstrate how much taxpayer money can be wasted) count for 50% of the total vote. Once upon a time they were the only ones who could vote - and the opinions of the Swedish people didn't count for anything.

But that's not good enough. Eurovision will always be Eurovision - a blight on culture and a form of audio torture for all those who care for and/or create music themselves. But more: the Eurovision entry isn't fashioned as ordinary popular music. There are elements to a Eurovision entry that make (or at least should make) ordinary reasonable sensible people cringe under ordinary circumstances. And most often they do.

1. Slow quiet start, perhaps single piano or acoustic guitar.
2. Not so gradual buildup to full orchestral sound for the chorus.
3. Nothing sophisticated thank you very much - the same old 3-4 chards.
4. A key change for the coda - bump it up a full step or a half step.

The last point is one of the most inevitable (and feared) elements of the Eurovision entry. You know it's coming, you know it and you fear it, you can hope against hope it won't happen, but it will. In fact, about the only time it didn't happen was with ABBA's Waterloo. Because Björn and Benny write better and found a different way to add pizzazz to songs - a technique they continued to use throughout their long and successful careers.

Nobody likes Eurovision. It hurts. It's painful. But Sweden's musical talents are many and disparaging the country with the airhead Bergendahl is a national crime. Sweden's talents include Björn and Benny of course, and Per Gessle with Roxette, and the 'Max Martin' songwriters and producers who've worked with the likes of Bon Jovi, Britney Spears, Celine Dion - the entire gamut and always big names.

Swedes know their business. Then how could a full blown twat like Kristian Lagerström get involved? How could Anna Bergendahl? How could the worthless state employees cheer that on? How could the Swedish people go along with it?

These are questions people in Sweden will have to ask themselves as they lick their wounds. But don't expect any upheavals. The wrong people - the stupid people - always win and always get their way.

IceNews: Eurovision final: Denmark in, Sweden out
http://www.icenews.is/index.php/2010/05/27/eurovision-final-denmark-in-sweden-out/

The Foreigner: Eurovision 2010 News: No more 'Dancing Queen' for Sweden
http://theforeigner.no/pages/news/eurovision-2010-news-no-more-dancing-queen-for-sweden/

Stockholm News: Sweden not qualified for Eurovision final
http://www.stockholmnews.com/more.aspx?NID=5382

ESC Today: Sweden in shock at missing Eurovision, Media madness grips nation
http://www.esctoday.com/news/read/15868