As predicted here long ago, Sweden made a mess of Eurovision with the abominably abortive 'This Is My Life' by the less than talented Anna Bergendahl and with the perhaps worst song lyric ever written by the catastrophically self-deluded Kristian Lagerström. That Lagerström would be let loose on the song is total testimony to buddy-buddy business and perhaps nepotism (or a close relative).
The song is a total abomination, the lyrics the most embarrassing thing to hit popular music in a long long time.
One can criticise the airhead Bergendahl for not refusing the song, for standing on stage after stage with her repulsive voice and acting as if she's moved by the totally nonsense lyrics. One can criticise Lagerström for being such a total twit, one can criticise the publishing company for accepting those lyrics. But above all one must criticise the Swedish people and the Swedish Eurovision voting system for totally not getting it and for not letting the people themselves decide.
Swedes don't determine their winner - the fat cats sitting on the insulated seats in the state-owned Swedish television company still have a say. Word has it these useless people (who only serve to demonstrate how much taxpayer money can be wasted) count for 50% of the total vote. Once upon a time they were the only ones who could vote - and the opinions of the Swedish people didn't count for anything.
But that's not good enough. Eurovision will always be Eurovision - a blight on culture and a form of audio torture for all those who care for and/or create music themselves. But more: the Eurovision entry isn't fashioned as ordinary popular music. There are elements to a Eurovision entry that make (or at least should make) ordinary reasonable sensible people cringe under ordinary circumstances. And most often they do.
1. Slow quiet start, perhaps single piano or acoustic guitar.
2. Not so gradual buildup to full orchestral sound for the chorus.
3. Nothing sophisticated thank you very much - the same old 3-4 chards.
4. A key change for the coda - bump it up a full step or a half step.
The last point is one of the most inevitable (and feared) elements of the Eurovision entry. You know it's coming, you know it and you fear it, you can hope against hope it won't happen, but it will. In fact, about the only time it didn't happen was with ABBA's Waterloo. Because Björn and Benny write better and found a different way to add pizzazz to songs - a technique they continued to use throughout their long and successful careers.
Nobody likes Eurovision. It hurts. It's painful. But Sweden's musical talents are many and disparaging the country with the airhead Bergendahl is a national crime. Sweden's talents include Björn and Benny of course, and Per Gessle with Roxette, and the 'Max Martin' songwriters and producers who've worked with the likes of Bon Jovi, Britney Spears, Celine Dion - the entire gamut and always big names.
Swedes know their business. Then how could a full blown twat like Kristian Lagerström get involved? How could Anna Bergendahl? How could the worthless state employees cheer that on? How could the Swedish people go along with it?
These are questions people in Sweden will have to ask themselves as they lick their wounds. But don't expect any upheavals. The wrong people - the stupid people - always win and always get their way.
IceNews: Eurovision final: Denmark in, Sweden out
http://www.icenews.is/index.php/2010/05/27/eurovision-final-denmark-in-sweden-out/
The Foreigner: Eurovision 2010 News: No more 'Dancing Queen' for Sweden
http://theforeigner.no/pages/news/eurovision-2010-news-no-more-dancing-queen-for-sweden/
Stockholm News: Sweden not qualified for Eurovision final
http://www.stockholmnews.com/more.aspx?NID=5382
ESC Today: Sweden in shock at missing Eurovision, Media madness grips nation
http://www.esctoday.com/news/read/15868
Friday, 28 May 2010
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
A Conversation with Anna Bergendahl
I had a conversation with Sweden's Anna Bergendahl the other day. I got the impression she was reciting the lyrics to her abortive entry in the ESC but I can't be sure. The conversation went like this.
'I go down the beaten track'
You mean now? Or figuratively? What's the beaten track? Where is it? What does it symbolise?
'along the river with an empty bag'
What river? What's the connection with the beaten track? There's a beaten track along the river? Where is it? What the F does that symbolise?
'At the end she said to me:'
She? Who is 'she'? You haven't introduced her yet. Is she some bloody voice in your head? Who the fuck is 'she'? And you mean at the end of the beaten track along the river where you carried your empty bag? And for that matter: why is your bag empty? What would be in it if it was full? You do realise you're making no bloody sense at all, don't you?
'why are you here with the autumn leaves?'
You have autumn leaves? Where? In your bag? I thought you said your bag was empty! Or maybe it's the time of year? It's the autumn? All this transpires/transpired in the autumn? What significance does that have? What do the autumn leaves represent? This is really stupid, Anna - no one has a bloody clue what you're talking about.
'I'm done tipping on my toes'
You're done what? You've been walking on your tippy toes? Why? Or maybe it's just a symbol for something? Oh so maybe you mean you've been playing it too careful in your life? OK. A bit of sense. Finally. Maybe.
'strike an iron and attack my soul'
WHAT? Strike an iron? What is 'striking an iron', pray tell? That's bad enough but 'attack my soul' - what in the name of all that is sophomoric nonsense does 'attack my soul' mean? You're going to attack yourself? It's not even English, girl. It's bloody nonsense!
'Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand'
Anything you say. Don't expect anyone to take you seriously is all.
'Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else'
The expression is 'I can't be anyone else'. Only a retard would say 'no one else'. Even a retard song lyricist would never say it.
'I don't wanna run, I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna hide, I just wanna stay free, to be me'
You've got some serious issues, Anna Bergendahl! First you have to stop spouting such gibberish. Then you have to do something about your appearance. You look like an airhead.
Then you have to slip quietly out of Oslo under the cover of night. And then you have to sack that idiot lyricist.
'I go down the beaten track'
You mean now? Or figuratively? What's the beaten track? Where is it? What does it symbolise?
'along the river with an empty bag'
What river? What's the connection with the beaten track? There's a beaten track along the river? Where is it? What the F does that symbolise?
'At the end she said to me:'
She? Who is 'she'? You haven't introduced her yet. Is she some bloody voice in your head? Who the fuck is 'she'? And you mean at the end of the beaten track along the river where you carried your empty bag? And for that matter: why is your bag empty? What would be in it if it was full? You do realise you're making no bloody sense at all, don't you?
'why are you here with the autumn leaves?'
You have autumn leaves? Where? In your bag? I thought you said your bag was empty! Or maybe it's the time of year? It's the autumn? All this transpires/transpired in the autumn? What significance does that have? What do the autumn leaves represent? This is really stupid, Anna - no one has a bloody clue what you're talking about.
'I'm done tipping on my toes'
You're done what? You've been walking on your tippy toes? Why? Or maybe it's just a symbol for something? Oh so maybe you mean you've been playing it too careful in your life? OK. A bit of sense. Finally. Maybe.
'strike an iron and attack my soul'
WHAT? Strike an iron? What is 'striking an iron', pray tell? That's bad enough but 'attack my soul' - what in the name of all that is sophomoric nonsense does 'attack my soul' mean? You're going to attack yourself? It's not even English, girl. It's bloody nonsense!
'Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand'
Anything you say. Don't expect anyone to take you seriously is all.
'Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else'
The expression is 'I can't be anyone else'. Only a retard would say 'no one else'. Even a retard song lyricist would never say it.
'I don't wanna run, I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna hide, I just wanna stay free, to be me'
You've got some serious issues, Anna Bergendahl! First you have to stop spouting such gibberish. Then you have to do something about your appearance. You look like an airhead.
Then you have to slip quietly out of Oslo under the cover of night. And then you have to sack that idiot lyricist.
Friday, 14 May 2010
The Real Pirates, the Real Heroes
The brouhaha over good old Rupert Murdoch gives rise to looking a bit at Mr Wrinkle again and some of those who've opposed him over the years.
http://torrentfreak.com/fox-news-rupert-murdoch-all-pirates-100503/
Murdoch is Australian. Or was once upon a time. He was the emperor of Aussie media along with Alan Bond. He invented the media blackout to deal with his opponents: don't write bad things about them - just don't write anything at all.
Aussie rockers Midnight Oil were also hit by this tactic early on. Murdoch never liked them. When they released their 2nd album 'Head Injuries', his staff were instructed to not review the album, not write anything at all. Amazingly the album went gold several times over on word of mouth alone and remains the sole evidence in rock history worldwide that an album can succeed with no advertising whatsoever.
Midnight Oil later penned and recorded 'Read About It' in love of Rupert Murdoch. You can find the lyrics elsewhere; they're typically eloquent of Midnight Oil and basically say that no matter what's happening in the world at large, you won't hear about it if Rupert Murdoch doesn't want you to know.
Midnight Oil started as a surfer club group at the Hotel Adlon on the Sydney coast. They caused quite the sensation because they concentrated only on musical gymnastics, pulling off some of the most incredible acrobatics heard to this day.
No major label would sign them on their terms - retain rights to masters, full artistic control, and so forth - so they bundled together some cash and recorded and produced their first album themselves. It was a huge hit.
Midnight Oil then took the proceeds from their sales to start an artist management company for the Sydney coast and succeeded in signing up most big groups at the time. Their objective - which was met - was to force the venue owners to treat their guests better: more reasonable entry fees and nice bouncers. They effectively held the entire coastal entertainment business in an iron grip.
The ABS and other media - such as Rupert's - wanted contact with them back then but the group weren't interested in participating in silly 'pop' shows. They became the enemy of the media and of Rupert.
Their second album 'Head Injuries' really took off. It was at this point Herb Alpert became interested in them and sent two emissaries with a suitcase full of songs to meet them. The A&M reps were told to turn up at 2JJJ to find out where the group were playing. 2JJJ told them Midnight Oil were in fact playing at the MCG. The A&M reps asked if the group had left any free tickets. They had not.
The reps traveled to Melbourne and bought tickets to attend the concert. Back in Sydney they met the group who were recording with Glyn Johns. They were met politely. They asked if there had been a misunderstanding so their concert tickets weren't supplied in time. The group explained that free tickets were only for their friends.
The reps then opened their suitcase full of songs. 'You guys are going to be the sensation of the 1980s', they were told. But A&M didn't believe their material had a broad enough appeal, what with its Australian references and its all too complex musical structure. 'And so here we are with a suitcase full of covers we'd like you to look at', they ended.
The reply from the group was 'when's your flight back?' The A&M reps, offering a multimillion dollar contract with A&M, were perfunctorily turned away.
Midnight Oil went back to work in the studio and wrote and recorded a song about the incident called 'Don't Wanna Be The One'.
I'm an innocent victim, I'm just like you
We end up in home units with a brick wall view
I can't believe the perfect families on my colour TV
If I don't make it to the top it'll never bother me
I'm an innocent bystander caught in the path
Waiting out the back while the corporate attack
Assaults the senses with relentless scenes of passion and delight
I cut up all the options and went running for my life
And I don't wanna be the one
England joined the EU at long last, Australia lost their favoured trading status, and unemployment became rampant in the Lucky Country. Midnight Oil responded by organising a series of pan-Pacific concert telecasts and funneling all the proceeds to the labour unemployment compensation funds. At this point they were no longer controversial - they were heroes.
Rupert Murdoch? He got as big as he could in Australia and set his sights on the US. But the US has a rule about who can own media corporations: you have to be a US citizen. Murdoch traveled to Las Vegas, was given contacts with mobsters, and the mobsters pulled strings so Murdoch could pick up a US passport in a single fortnight.
Now the problems began back home because Australia had the same rule. But no worries! Rupert had the PM in his back pocket. So when the issue arose in Canberra, the PM simply killed it. Rupert was now the king of Aussie media but no longer able legally to retain his hold - yet he just did anyway. And his sojourn in the US didn't last long - he moved to the UK instead where he's been ever since.
http://torrentfreak.com/fox-news-rupert-murdoch-all-pirates-100503/
Murdoch is Australian. Or was once upon a time. He was the emperor of Aussie media along with Alan Bond. He invented the media blackout to deal with his opponents: don't write bad things about them - just don't write anything at all.
Aussie rockers Midnight Oil were also hit by this tactic early on. Murdoch never liked them. When they released their 2nd album 'Head Injuries', his staff were instructed to not review the album, not write anything at all. Amazingly the album went gold several times over on word of mouth alone and remains the sole evidence in rock history worldwide that an album can succeed with no advertising whatsoever.
Midnight Oil later penned and recorded 'Read About It' in love of Rupert Murdoch. You can find the lyrics elsewhere; they're typically eloquent of Midnight Oil and basically say that no matter what's happening in the world at large, you won't hear about it if Rupert Murdoch doesn't want you to know.
Midnight Oil started as a surfer club group at the Hotel Adlon on the Sydney coast. They caused quite the sensation because they concentrated only on musical gymnastics, pulling off some of the most incredible acrobatics heard to this day.
No major label would sign them on their terms - retain rights to masters, full artistic control, and so forth - so they bundled together some cash and recorded and produced their first album themselves. It was a huge hit.
Midnight Oil then took the proceeds from their sales to start an artist management company for the Sydney coast and succeeded in signing up most big groups at the time. Their objective - which was met - was to force the venue owners to treat their guests better: more reasonable entry fees and nice bouncers. They effectively held the entire coastal entertainment business in an iron grip.
The ABS and other media - such as Rupert's - wanted contact with them back then but the group weren't interested in participating in silly 'pop' shows. They became the enemy of the media and of Rupert.
Their second album 'Head Injuries' really took off. It was at this point Herb Alpert became interested in them and sent two emissaries with a suitcase full of songs to meet them. The A&M reps were told to turn up at 2JJJ to find out where the group were playing. 2JJJ told them Midnight Oil were in fact playing at the MCG. The A&M reps asked if the group had left any free tickets. They had not.
The reps traveled to Melbourne and bought tickets to attend the concert. Back in Sydney they met the group who were recording with Glyn Johns. They were met politely. They asked if there had been a misunderstanding so their concert tickets weren't supplied in time. The group explained that free tickets were only for their friends.
The reps then opened their suitcase full of songs. 'You guys are going to be the sensation of the 1980s', they were told. But A&M didn't believe their material had a broad enough appeal, what with its Australian references and its all too complex musical structure. 'And so here we are with a suitcase full of covers we'd like you to look at', they ended.
The reply from the group was 'when's your flight back?' The A&M reps, offering a multimillion dollar contract with A&M, were perfunctorily turned away.
Midnight Oil went back to work in the studio and wrote and recorded a song about the incident called 'Don't Wanna Be The One'.
I'm an innocent victim, I'm just like you
We end up in home units with a brick wall view
I can't believe the perfect families on my colour TV
If I don't make it to the top it'll never bother me
I'm an innocent bystander caught in the path
Waiting out the back while the corporate attack
Assaults the senses with relentless scenes of passion and delight
I cut up all the options and went running for my life
And I don't wanna be the one
England joined the EU at long last, Australia lost their favoured trading status, and unemployment became rampant in the Lucky Country. Midnight Oil responded by organising a series of pan-Pacific concert telecasts and funneling all the proceeds to the labour unemployment compensation funds. At this point they were no longer controversial - they were heroes.
Rupert Murdoch? He got as big as he could in Australia and set his sights on the US. But the US has a rule about who can own media corporations: you have to be a US citizen. Murdoch traveled to Las Vegas, was given contacts with mobsters, and the mobsters pulled strings so Murdoch could pick up a US passport in a single fortnight.
Now the problems began back home because Australia had the same rule. But no worries! Rupert had the PM in his back pocket. So when the issue arose in Canberra, the PM simply killed it. Rupert was now the king of Aussie media but no longer able legally to retain his hold - yet he just did anyway. And his sojourn in the US didn't last long - he moved to the UK instead where he's been ever since.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
The End of the Law
Magnificent episode of Kavanagh QC today. First episode of season 6. Extraordinary. And this was for television.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
Sweden's New Waterloo
Sweden sent a funny song to the Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) in Brighton in 1974. The song was about falling in love the same way Napoleon fell at Waterloo.
The simile was strained but the lyrics written by Björn Ulvaeus were otherwise good. Most of what Ulvaeus wrote over the years was excellent. He and Benny Andersson went on to work with Tim Rice on the West End musical Chess. They've since had their runaway success Mamma Mia! turned into a movie with Meryl Streep. No one's ever doubted the abilities of Sweden's ABBA to craft clever, intelligent, and often emotionally deep lyrics even though none of them have English as a mother tongue.
The ESC rules changed after 1974. No more singing in English. Singing in English automatically favoured some countries over others.
The rules changed again recently and now contestants can sing in any language they choose.
ABBA used the ESC as a springboard for their career. They never took the contest seriously. But they knew it would give them a lot of publicity. They were never from the same mould as the traditional contestants.
1974 was Sweden's first victory in the ESC. They've won three further times since then. And each of those victories has been eminently forgettable if not embarrassing. ESC music is the lowest of the low. Things don't get much worse than the ESC.
Sweden's been bombing out of the ESC for several years now. This is the country that gave the world ABBA, Roxette, Max Martin, the Cardigans, The Hives, and more. A Swedish journalist described Sweden's dilemma as a country bumpkin coming to a world event where the rules have changed. The whole selection process is flawed and Swedes prove time and again they don't really have a clue.
ABBA lost their first time around too. They lost to a weird duo who sang a song with a gimmick line about a woman's breasts. The astute Swedish juries - ordinary but overly paid apparatchiks with the state television company - chose this stupid song over the competition. No one cares about that song. Everyone remembers ABBA.
There are some good lyricists in Sweden. Max Martin cowrote 'It's My Life' for Bon Jovi. Nina Persson's lyrics for the Cardigans have been cute if not always excellent. There are no great English lyrics coming from Swedes but some of them are OK.
But in the ESC? Most of the contestants can hardly pronounce it, much less understand it, and their lyricists are downright dumb. The lyrics to Elena Paparizou's 2005 winning song were written by Christos Dadis and Natalia Germanou.
Last year's lyrics were even worse. The lyrics to the winning song are so cringeworthy they won't be printed here. Look them up yourself if you dare - but think twice about it.
Sweden's current predicament with the ESC is twofold. They don't understand what works and what doesn't and what's needed to win these days. But they've consequently performed so poorly of late that they don't even qualify for the final unless they can really impress everyone in the qualification rounds the week before the show. One needs something extra special to make that jump back into the top 24. And a further clue: ballads never give the necessary boost. As one Swedish journalist put it last night: 'this succession of boring banal ballads is threatening to put the studio and television audiences in a permanent coma'.
But what do Swedes like?
Swedes had a potential winner in a girl group called 'Timoteij'. 'Timoteij' is an herb called 'timothy' in English. It's also the name of a popular shampoo in Sweden. Its distinctive bottle was used as a prop in the movie Gorky Park. It's a cute name. Perhaps not particularly international but still the same.
The girls are all young students in a special music/entertainment school in Sweden. In a screamingly boring place called Skara. They're 18 years old and have been performing together for the past two years. They're already signed to Universal and their first full length CD is already completed and will be released in April. They too like ABBA are using the ESC as a springboard. They too lost to someone really really bad first time out.
The winning song this year is - ironically - 'This is My Life'. It's reminiscent not only of the Bon Jovi hit but also of the cringeworthy 2009 entry written by no better than Dame Andy Webber and Diane Warren with the unfortunately unforgettable:
These are the lyrics to the Swedish entry in the ESC 2010, written by who must be the most self-delusional waste of space lyricist ever: Kristian Lagerström. Read them and weep.
The simile was strained but the lyrics written by Björn Ulvaeus were otherwise good. Most of what Ulvaeus wrote over the years was excellent. He and Benny Andersson went on to work with Tim Rice on the West End musical Chess. They've since had their runaway success Mamma Mia! turned into a movie with Meryl Streep. No one's ever doubted the abilities of Sweden's ABBA to craft clever, intelligent, and often emotionally deep lyrics even though none of them have English as a mother tongue.
The ESC rules changed after 1974. No more singing in English. Singing in English automatically favoured some countries over others.
The rules changed again recently and now contestants can sing in any language they choose.
ABBA used the ESC as a springboard for their career. They never took the contest seriously. But they knew it would give them a lot of publicity. They were never from the same mould as the traditional contestants.
1974 was Sweden's first victory in the ESC. They've won three further times since then. And each of those victories has been eminently forgettable if not embarrassing. ESC music is the lowest of the low. Things don't get much worse than the ESC.
Sweden's been bombing out of the ESC for several years now. This is the country that gave the world ABBA, Roxette, Max Martin, the Cardigans, The Hives, and more. A Swedish journalist described Sweden's dilemma as a country bumpkin coming to a world event where the rules have changed. The whole selection process is flawed and Swedes prove time and again they don't really have a clue.
ABBA lost their first time around too. They lost to a weird duo who sang a song with a gimmick line about a woman's breasts. The astute Swedish juries - ordinary but overly paid apparatchiks with the state television company - chose this stupid song over the competition. No one cares about that song. Everyone remembers ABBA.
There are some good lyricists in Sweden. Max Martin cowrote 'It's My Life' for Bon Jovi. Nina Persson's lyrics for the Cardigans have been cute if not always excellent. There are no great English lyrics coming from Swedes but some of them are OK.
But in the ESC? Most of the contestants can hardly pronounce it, much less understand it, and their lyricists are downright dumb. The lyrics to Elena Paparizou's 2005 winning song were written by Christos Dadis and Natalia Germanou.
You're delicious, so capriciousThings don't get more embarrassing than that. But Paparizou won. That's important to keep in mind. But she won not by having the best number but by her record company and the Greek government investing one million euros in promoting her song in the months leading up to the ESC final. Paparizou was shuttled all over the place. Several publicity events of whatever type they could arrange for weeks and weeks on end. The voting occurred way before the actual televised final.
If I find out you don't want me I'll be vicious
Last year's lyrics were even worse. The lyrics to the winning song are so cringeworthy they won't be printed here. Look them up yourself if you dare - but think twice about it.
Sweden's current predicament with the ESC is twofold. They don't understand what works and what doesn't and what's needed to win these days. But they've consequently performed so poorly of late that they don't even qualify for the final unless they can really impress everyone in the qualification rounds the week before the show. One needs something extra special to make that jump back into the top 24. And a further clue: ballads never give the necessary boost. As one Swedish journalist put it last night: 'this succession of boring banal ballads is threatening to put the studio and television audiences in a permanent coma'.
But what do Swedes like?
Swedes had a potential winner in a girl group called 'Timoteij'. 'Timoteij' is an herb called 'timothy' in English. It's also the name of a popular shampoo in Sweden. Its distinctive bottle was used as a prop in the movie Gorky Park. It's a cute name. Perhaps not particularly international but still the same.
The girls are all young students in a special music/entertainment school in Sweden. In a screamingly boring place called Skara. They're 18 years old and have been performing together for the past two years. They're already signed to Universal and their first full length CD is already completed and will be released in April. They too like ABBA are using the ESC as a springboard. They too lost to someone really really bad first time out.
The winning song this year is - ironically - 'This is My Life'. It's reminiscent not only of the Bon Jovi hit but also of the cringeworthy 2009 entry written by no better than Dame Andy Webber and Diane Warren with the unfortunately unforgettable:
It's my life, it's my life, my momentWatching the eminently talented but eminently misunderstood Jade Ewen wince her way through those two lines every time was a torture no Brit wants to remember. But maybe they've now found something that overshadows their own gaffe last year.
I'm not going to let go of it
These are the lyrics to the Swedish entry in the ESC 2010, written by who must be the most self-delusional waste of space lyricist ever: Kristian Lagerström. Read them and weep.
I go down the beaten track, along the river with an empty bag
At the end she said to me: why are you here with the autumn leaves?
Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand
Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else
I'm done tipping on my toes, strike an iron and attack my soul
Misty moon, you're gonna see, I've got your blues to get on my feet
Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand
Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else
I don't wanna run, I don't wanna fight
I don't wanna hide, I just wanna stay free, to be me
I don't wanna win, I don't wanna lose
I don't wanna play, I just wanna remember, oh my name
Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand
Oh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
(Cause this is my life, my friend, and this is my time to stand)
Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else
Cause this is my life, my friend, and I can't be no one else
Cause this is my life, my friend
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Cheesy Cleese
John Cleese who never stops coming up with great new inventive ideas has now arranged a 15-stop tour of Scandinavia where he will - get this - be alone on stage and talk about his fantastic career for two hours.
He will also have clips of some of his famous films and television shows which will be shown on a big screen. The same clips most people have bought several times over on VHS and DVD and have instant access to on YouTube.
Tickets start at over $100 and Cleese is predicted to make over $100,000 per gig.
People really liked Fawlty Towers - what there was of it. Twelve episodes made over a six year period. Contrast that with Friends that ran in realtime for ten years with 238 (count 'em) episodes all filmed before a live audience after a full week's rehearsals. 238 times.
People liked Wanda too. But it was just another film.
People generally don't like most of the other crap Cleese has come out with. And most importantly: Cleese only did Fawlty Towers in the 1970s and Wanda a few years later. That's it. That's really all.
Ever since then Cleese has been granting interviews where he tells people how amazed he is at his own talent.
Cleese had a cowriter (and for a while there a wife) on Fawlty Towers. But she's not seen anywhere, nor is she ever interviewed on one of these nauseatingly endless recycled editions of Cleese's Greatest Hits.
It's time to put Cleese in the rain barrel where he belongs. It's time to boycott his delusional tour of Scandinavia. It's time to tell him to his face: 'John, you were never that funny or talented but your wife was and the few times you were really funny are so few and so long ago SO WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GO AWAY?'
He will also have clips of some of his famous films and television shows which will be shown on a big screen. The same clips most people have bought several times over on VHS and DVD and have instant access to on YouTube.
Tickets start at over $100 and Cleese is predicted to make over $100,000 per gig.
People really liked Fawlty Towers - what there was of it. Twelve episodes made over a six year period. Contrast that with Friends that ran in realtime for ten years with 238 (count 'em) episodes all filmed before a live audience after a full week's rehearsals. 238 times.
People liked Wanda too. But it was just another film.
People generally don't like most of the other crap Cleese has come out with. And most importantly: Cleese only did Fawlty Towers in the 1970s and Wanda a few years later. That's it. That's really all.
Ever since then Cleese has been granting interviews where he tells people how amazed he is at his own talent.
Cleese had a cowriter (and for a while there a wife) on Fawlty Towers. But she's not seen anywhere, nor is she ever interviewed on one of these nauseatingly endless recycled editions of Cleese's Greatest Hits.
It's time to put Cleese in the rain barrel where he belongs. It's time to boycott his delusional tour of Scandinavia. It's time to tell him to his face: 'John, you were never that funny or talented but your wife was and the few times you were really funny are so few and so long ago SO WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GO AWAY?'
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
It's Tough to be a Chicken
Today is Denny's 'Grand Slam' day in the US. This follows on Super Bowls: from 06:00 to 14:00 they offer free breakfasts around the country. The breakfasts are two eggs, two rashers of bacon, two sausages, and two pancakes. It's free.
Sounds like a bit of charity. Which is timely considering in the US there's really no social system (or any ambition for such a system) to take care of the unfortunate. If there's one thing they're still #1 at, it's homeless people. And do they ever excel at that!
Now check this link out.
http://dennys.com/superbowl/splash2.html
Yeah it's tough to be a chicken alright. It's also pretty tough to be anyone in the Americas if you're not in the US. 910,000,000 people and only 307,000,000 million of them are entitled to call themselves 'American'.
It's chickens, it's turkeys, it's Nicaraguans, it's Chileans, it's Argentinians, it's Ecuadorians, it's Guatemalans, it's Cubans, it's Bolivians, it's Peruvians - the list goes on and on.
They stage coups. They murder elected leaders. Heck - they murder period. They assassinate Salvador Allende and then push in a dictator to replace him, they stand behind persecutions and imprisonments and torture and more and more murders. That's OK. We're AMERICAN!
And we like our chickens and we like our turkeys and WE LIKE OUR OIL! And we like our BANANAS! And we'd really like some good Cuban cigars goddammit but we have to support freedom around the globe right now. We're famous for that, right?
Right.
Then there's @stevez33 (Steve Zebrowski) formerly of Connecticut and now of Florida who is really incensed that the homeless are queueing outside Denny's for a good free meal for the first time in who knows how long. And he asks how they can even know when they don't have houses to live in and probably can't have televisions either?
Then someone suggests they might have found out on Twitter and @stevez33 goes ballistic. They have computers too now? Ugg!
Let's hope he's joking. Let's close our eyes and hope Denny's were also joking. And that the imperialism was also a joke. That rendition was a joke. That all the millions of deaths and ruined lives these people have caused - that it was all just a joke. So we can open our eyes and nobody's ever heard of that gross place called the US.
Sounds like a bit of charity. Which is timely considering in the US there's really no social system (or any ambition for such a system) to take care of the unfortunate. If there's one thing they're still #1 at, it's homeless people. And do they ever excel at that!
Now check this link out.
http://dennys.com/superbowl/splash2.html
Yeah it's tough to be a chicken alright. It's also pretty tough to be anyone in the Americas if you're not in the US. 910,000,000 people and only 307,000,000 million of them are entitled to call themselves 'American'.
It's chickens, it's turkeys, it's Nicaraguans, it's Chileans, it's Argentinians, it's Ecuadorians, it's Guatemalans, it's Cubans, it's Bolivians, it's Peruvians - the list goes on and on.
They stage coups. They murder elected leaders. Heck - they murder period. They assassinate Salvador Allende and then push in a dictator to replace him, they stand behind persecutions and imprisonments and torture and more and more murders. That's OK. We're AMERICAN!
And we like our chickens and we like our turkeys and WE LIKE OUR OIL! And we like our BANANAS! And we'd really like some good Cuban cigars goddammit but we have to support freedom around the globe right now. We're famous for that, right?
Right.
Then there's @stevez33 (Steve Zebrowski) formerly of Connecticut and now of Florida who is really incensed that the homeless are queueing outside Denny's for a good free meal for the first time in who knows how long. And he asks how they can even know when they don't have houses to live in and probably can't have televisions either?
Then someone suggests they might have found out on Twitter and @stevez33 goes ballistic. They have computers too now? Ugg!
Let's hope he's joking. Let's close our eyes and hope Denny's were also joking. And that the imperialism was also a joke. That rendition was a joke. That all the millions of deaths and ruined lives these people have caused - that it was all just a joke. So we can open our eyes and nobody's ever heard of that gross place called the US.
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